Absence
by prepare4trouble
Summary: Stranded on a forest world and somehow cut off from the Force, and with Ezra unable to walk, Master and Padawan have to work together in order to escape.


_A/N - Based on a prompt of SWR Requests: Kanan and Ezra are stranded on a Force null planet, leaving Kanan totally truly blind. In addition, Ezra's legs were hurt or lost or paralyzed in a fight, leaving him unable to walk. Kanan has to carry him while Ezra directs him and tries to ignore the horrible pain. Bonus for Ezra and Kanan both trying to ignore their own pain and fear because they think the other has it worse right now._

 _I didn't hit all the points in this, but I'm hoping it's close enough._

* * *

Ezra groaned as he brought a hand to his throbbing head and massaged his brow. His whole body felt sluggish and uncooperative, aftereffects of the stunner blasts that had brought him down. He peeled open an eye and looked around apprehensively.

To his relief, he found himself not in a cell or interrogation chamber onboard an imperial ship, but lying on the ground, in approximately the same place that they had been ambushed, among leaves so dry they were turning to powder. Staring upward, as his position, lying on his back, made it easy to do, he could see tall trees and lush greenery stretching as far as the eye could see.

Among the leaves, birds tweeted and the occasional small furry animal scampered from branch to branch. Higher still, what he could see of the sky beyond the leafy canopy was a brilliant blue. The air smelled fresh and unpolluted, natural, filtered by the vegetation around them rather than the air recycling units onboard the Ghost.

But something felt… strange. Off, somehow, as though there were something missing. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it might be.

He raised a hand to his throbbing head and massaged his brow. "Well, I've woken up in less pleasant places after a stun blast."

The leaves rustled a little to his left. He forced his other eye to open and adjusted his position slightly, so that he could glance over. He found Kanan sitting a short distance away, back against the trunk of a large, ancient tree. He hadn't responded to Ezra's words.

"Kanan?" he tried speaking a little louder.

Kanan flinched. Only a little, but it was unmistakable. As though Ezra had startled him. He recovered quickly and turned his head in his direction. "You're up." He smiled, sort of. "Took you long enough."

"Yeah, um…" Something was wrong. It bothered him that he still couldn't tell exactly what it was, but something about this whole situation was off slightly. "Those stun blasters pack a punch. And I think I took three of them at the same time."

Kanan nodded, looking unconvinced. "Three? Sure you did."

"I did!" Ezra adjusted his position on the floor, forcing his protesting, uncooperative muscles to lift him to his feet. He failed. His arms just about managed to force him into a sitting position. He wobbled and almost fell forward, managing to save himself seconds before he landed on his face. His legs tingled so hard it almost hurt. Experimentally, he tried to bend his knee. It twitched, just slightly, but otherwise remained completely still.

A kind of vague panic began to gnaw at his relief at finding himself not to be a prisoner of the Empire. He rubbed at his leg, kneading the flesh of his thigh as hard as he could manage. He was relieved to discover that he could feel the pressure. The muscles of his arms responded sluggishly too, though nothing like his legs, which refused to respond to any command at all.

He ignored it, for now. Supporting himself by propping his body up on his arms, he glanced over at Kanan. "How long was I out?" he asked.

Kanan shrugged. "I woke up maybe a half hour ago."

Kanan didn't sound right. Nothing was right about this, but Kanan's voice sounded… drained, almost. As though he simply didn't have the energy to talk. More aftereffect of the stunner, perhaps? Ezra rubbed a hand quickly up and down his leg for a second time, feeling the way his skin reacted to the friction and pressure. It felt dull, as though half the feeling was being withheld. He tried to move his foot and got the same response as before. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Fine." Kanan nodded.

"So…" Ezra forced himself to smile in an attempt to lighten the mood. He knew that Kanan wouldn't be able to see it, but if he could somehow sense it through the Force it might help with whatever was happening. "Half an hour? Plenty of time for you to have come up with a plan, right?"

Kanan's lips twitched into something that almost looked like a smile. "Not yet. I thought I'd wait until you woke up, that way you can claim half the credit."

"Right." No, not right. Not right at all. "Did you call the ship yet, let them know we're okay?"

Kanan shook his head. "No response. The signal isn't getting through. Something's blocking it."

Ezra reached out with the Force, searching for a nearby structure or piece of equipment that could be giving off a jamming signal. Instantly, he ran up against a blockage, something preventing him from sensing anything in the forest around them. No, not just in the forest. He couldn't sense anything from Kanan either. From anything at all. He realized in an instant that this was the thing that he had noticed on waking, the wrongness. He felt his breath catch just slightly, his heart rate quicken, as he tried again. "Oh," he murmured, his eyes darted from left to right, the idyllic surroundings taking on a sinister feel suddenly.

As if the sudden ambush by the group of stormtroopers hadn't been sinister enough. Though luckily, they appeared to have been taken for locals, stunned and left abandoned in the woods while the troopers went about their business.

His eyes landed on a fallen branch on the ground a few feet away. It was almost as tall as Ezra, but thin, still adorned with twigs and leaves of a vibrant green color. Another casualty, no doubt, of the blaster fire that had taken out himself and Kanan. He extended a hand toward it and tried to levitate it. Nothing. He could not sense the object, and it didn't so much as wobble with all of his concentration.

It felt as though he was an untrained kid again, with no knowledge or understanding of the Force. But it was so much worse than that, because he realized now for the first time, that even when he had been unaware of it, the Force had always been there, shaping his understanding and his experience of the world around him. To find it suddenly absent was disconcerting, like part of him had suddenly dropped away.

To his right, he was aware of Kanan, facing front again, with his ear turned in Ezra's direction, listening intently.

"Uh, Kanan?" The forest, the planet… the universe felt empty, as though somebody had drained all the color, all the life from everything, and he could not understand how it had taken him this long to realize. "The Force," he said. "I… think it's gone."

"It's not gone," Kanan told him. "The Force is in everything, it can't go anywhere. Something in the area is blocking our access to it somehow."

"Blocking…" Ezra shook his head. He carefully regarded Kanan. He was sitting very still with his back pressed against the very wide trunk of the old tree so that nothing could come up behind him. He could see the tension in his posture, the concentration etched into his features, the way his fingers whitened from the pressure, interlocked at the front of his knees. He saw the stress in his expression, well disguised but definitely present. Ezra had seen him like this only once before, in the days following their return to the base from Malachor, as he had tried to grow accustomed to blindness.

Instinctively, he reached out to him through the Force, to send reassurance that they were in this together and that they would get out of it too. Words felt woefully inadequate, but he came up hard against the blockage, whatever it was. The lack. It truly felt as though the Force was gone.

He didn't even want to think about what that must be like for Kanan.

"How?" he asked.

Kanan shook his head. "I don't know," he said.

"Are…" Ezra hesitated, stretched out a hand to touch Kanan on the leg. He could reach, just. If he couldn't see him with his eyes, and he couldn't sense him through the Force, he wanted him to have some kind of contact. "Are you okay?"

"I said I'm fine," Kanan told him. There was an edge to his voice that Ezra couldn't quite place, frustration, fear, anger?

Ezra stayed where he was, not that he had any choice in the matter. He moved his hand back into place, propping him up. "Okay," he said. "That's good. So, what do we do now?"

Kanan sighed. "If I knew that…" he broke off, shook his head and continued in a softer, more familiar tone of voice. "I'm open to suggestions."

Ezra grew silent. The ever-present tingling in his lower limbs had not even begun to diminish. He tried, and failed, once again to move. "Uh, Kanan? This might not be the best time to ask this, but can you… I mean, can you move?"

"What?" Kanan turned his head in Ezra's direction as though he could look at him for confirmation of his question.

"My legs," Ezra clarified. "They're… not cooperating. Like, at all."

Kanan shifted his position on the ground in a way that answered Ezra's question without words. He climbed to his feet and made his slow and careful way toward Ezra, before offering him a hand to pull him to his feet.

"No," Ezra told him. "You don't understand. I…" A kind of cold terror spread outward through him. The rest of his body was responding normally, now. "I can't move them."

Kanan dropped to the ground next to him, hands rushing to connect, one finding Ezra's knee, the other his shoulder. The hand on his knee squeezed tightly. "Can you feel that?"

Ezra nodded. Kanan squeezed tighter, nails digging into the flesh. "Yes! Ouch!"

Kanan nodded, satisfied. "That's probably a good sign. Any pain? Specifically in your lower back or legs?"

"Not pain exactly, just this constant, uncomfortable tingling."

"Stun blast probably affected a nerve. It… should wear off." He didn't sound exactly convincing, or convinced.

"When?"

Kanan shook his head. "It's difficult to say. We need to get you back to the ship to make sure you're okay. I think the area we're in is blocking the radio signal as well."

That made sense, except for that the Force had been present and working exactly as it should up until the moment they were ambushed, at least. He looked around, trying to decide whether they were in the same place they had been when he had lost consciousness. It was difficult to tell, one bit of woodland looked very much the same as another, but it was possible they had been moved. "It looks like we're in a valley," he volunteered. "Could that have something to do with it?"

Kanan shrugged. "Only one way to find out," he said.

Ezra grimaced as he looked at the wooded hills surrounding them. "You're not serious?"

"Unless you've got a better suggestion."

Ezra really didn't, but that didn't mean that Kanan's idea was worth entertaining.

"If we can reach higher ground, a signal might be able to get through, at least," Kanan added.

Ezra shook his head. "You're not going to be able to walk that far carrying me," he said. "You need to go, call for help and then come back for me."

"That's not…" Kanan's lips tightened into a grim approximation of a smile, "really an option right now," he said.

Ezra closed his eyes and felt that lack of the Force. He hadn't forgotten, the gaping sense of absence that surrounded him was impossible to forget once he understood what it signified, but in his worry about his own situation, for just a few seconds he had forgotten what that meant for Kanan. "Sorry," he said.

Kanan turned around, showing his back to Ezra, kneeling on the ground. "Do you think you can get on?" he asked.

"Um…" Ezra reached for Kanan's shoulders and pulled himself forward, instinctively trying to lift himself up with his frustratingly unresponsive legs. Once he was halfway into position, Kanan tucked his arms underneath Ezra's legs and stood slowly. Ezra felt his fingers tighten on Kanan's shoulders, but it wasn't enough. Unable to grip with his legs, he was going to fall backward unless he held on tighter. He flung his arms around his Master's neck to hold himself in place.

Kanan swayed slightly, and for a moment, Ezra was certain that he was going to fall, taking both of them with him. He gripped a little tighter.

"Ezra," Kanan said. He pointed to his own throat. "I can't breathe."

"Oh. Sorry." He tried to loosen his grip. His position on Kanan's back was uncomfortable for two reasons, firstly, especially without being able to trust his own legs in the event of a fall, he was reliant on Kanan to keep him safe, and secondly because the last time he had ridden like this, he had been six years old, and on his father's back.

"Okay?" Kanan asked him.

Ezra swallowed. "About as much as I could be. You?"

"Same." Kanan hesitated. "I'm going to need some directions. And try to keep an eye on the ground, the last thing we want is to trip."

Ezra looked around them. "Just any way out of the valley?"

"Best plan we have," Kanan told him.

The forest had no obvious paths among the trees, but the leafy canopy of the ancient woodland had created natural bare areas where the ground plants had been starved of sunlight, leaving the way relatively clear underfoot. "Turn left and walk forward, I guess."

* * *

Ezra wasn't sure how long they had been walking. Kanan's arms trembled with tension under Ezra's weight. He walked slowly, one arm outstretched ahead of him, feet carefully checking the ground for trip hazards. Ahead of him, he swept a long stick that Ezra had pointed out to him after a half hour or so of stumbling.

"We should stop," Ezra suggested.

He had almost grown used to his perch atop Kanan's back. From the higher than usual vantage point, he had a good view of the surrounding woodland, allowing him to keep Kanan safe. It wasn't ideal, that would have been for him to walk ahead and lead, but his legs were still not cooperating.

Kanan shook his head. "If I stop, I don't know if I'll be able to start again," he said. He was panting slightly from the exertion, and Ezra could feel the heat radiating from him. He had long since removed his mask, in an effort to keep himself cool.

"It's getting dark," Ezra told him.

Kanan thought about that for a moment. "I think I can cope with that," he said.

"Great for you, I guess. But if I can't see, how am I supposed to stop you from walking us off a cliff?" Ezra asked.

Kanan didn't reply. "Try the radio again," he said.

Ezra did. Again, no response.

"How're your legs?"

Automatically, Ezra tried a kick, his left leg swung forwards, and then fell back again. It wasn't much, but it was something. "Getting better, I think," he said.

Kanan's grunt indicated that he wasn't impressed by the display. "How much further does it look to the top of the valley?" he asked.

Honestly, he had no idea. "Not too far, I don't think." He kicked his leg again, flexing the muscles and moving his toes. The tingling was beginning to subside. "Put me down," he said. "I think I can walk now."

Kanan shook his head. "I don't think you can. Not yet. If it's not far, we might as well keep going."

"No, seriously." Ezra squirmed a little, shifting around in an attempt to free himself from Kanan's grip. Finally, Kanan relented, dropped to his knee and allowed Ezra to fall free. He landed on the ground, seated on top of one uncomfortably folded leg.

With effort, he disentangled himself, and rearranged himself into a more normal sitting position. "Give me a hand?" he asked, extending one arm upward for Kanan to grab and pull him to his feet.

"With what?"

"With… Pull me up," he clarified.

Kanan offered Ezra a hand. He took it and allowed him to pull him to his feet.

He stood, the muscles of his legs trembling slightly under the exertion of holding his own weight.

"Okay?" Kanan asked him.

"Great," Ezra assured him. He took a step, but his leg buckled at the knee. Arms splayed out, searching for something to grab hold of, but he was too far from anything, and instead landed in a heap among the leaves on the ground.

Kanan turned in his direction, half a smile on his face, that grew wider until a bubble of laughter erupted from somewhere inside him.

Ezra felt himself scowl. "Don't know what you think is so funny, you couldn't even see it!"

"So, you admit it did look funny."

"No! It was…"

"It sounded pretty funny," Kanan told him.

Ezra sighed. "Okay, you were right, I'm not quite better yet. But you were wrong about it looking funny."

Kanan shrugged, clearly amused at Ezra's embarassment. "Well, I guess I'm not exactly the best judge anymore, even under normal circumstances." He knelt back down next to him and helped Ezra climb back aboard, then continued walking. Ezra didn't understand how he was managing it. Not just the uphill walk with the dead weight of his apprentice on his back, but daring to do what he was doing without his sight, without the Force to guide him.

"Keep trying the radio," Kanan told him.

* * *

It was almost completely dark when the incline began to level out. The meager light of the planet's two small moons and the pinpricks of light that were the stars did little to illuminate the world, and Ezra was almost as blind as Kanan. He forced his eyes to remain open, despite the overwhelming urge to give in to sleep. He held on tightly as Kanan stumbled over a patch of loose ground and only barely managed to right himself before they both toppled to the ground.

It was at that exact moment that Kanan's radio came to life and Hera's voice filled the night.

"Specter Two to Specter One," she sounded weary with stress and exhaustion, "if you're out there, we're calling it a night, but we haven't given up on you. Find somewhere safe for the night, and we'll resume our search tomorrow."

Kanan sunk to his knees and carefully deposited Ezra on the ground before reaching for his radio to respond. "Hera? We're here."

Ezra could hear Hera's relief even over the still-weak comms signal "Kanan! Where have you been? Don't move, we're tracking your location now."

Ezra lay back on the hard ground and closed his eyes. There was still no Force. It was both strange and uncomfortable, but at least it would soon be over. He forced open an eye to look at Kanan. His Master was sitting on the ground clutching the comms unit in one hand, head tilted as though he were listening out for the sound of an approaching ship.

"Don't move," Ezra muttered, more to himself than to Kanan. "Not much danger of that, is there?"

Kanan shook his head. "Not for me. I need to sleep for a week. Are you any better?"

Ezra flexed his legs experimentally. "Getting stronger, I think."

"Good." Kanan nodded. "Because next time we need to walk up a big hill, you carry me. Deal?"


End file.
